Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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