I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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