I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
