I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
