are you still at the devil's house?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
