idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's never too late to be topless.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
