i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
