You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
