i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
