i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We just shotgunned beers for America
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
