I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize