I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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