well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
