it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
did you just send me my own nude
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
