I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
