I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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