i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
