It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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