When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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