i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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