I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
