We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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