hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
