I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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