Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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