Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
