Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
