she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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