He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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