You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
