I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
