Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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