I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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