Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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