I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
