Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have aggressive nipples.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
