the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
