Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
