I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
