"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ugly people sure do ruin things
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize