dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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