Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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