wrigley field is MILF paradise
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
