Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
