i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
