tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
