I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
