Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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