OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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