How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
