Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
