I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
