im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
