so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
