somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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