Midget sex pt 2 tonight
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
