yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
