yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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