My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
