Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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