You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
