Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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