I am full of burrito and curiosity
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
