i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
