if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i've created a new STD.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
