Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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