some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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