Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
