I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize