I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize