I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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