I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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