Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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